First of all, happy new year! I'm not usually a big New Year's fan. I've never really understood the point of celebrating it. In fact, I haven't celebrated it since my early twenties (and even then it was just an excuse to party). Sure, hubby and I let the kids stay up and we clink glasses of sparkling grape juice at midnight, but that's the extent of my celebratoriness (new word, you like it?). In all honesty, if it weren't for the kids, we'd probably be in bed by 11:00.
This year was different--not in our observance of the "holiday," but in the way I felt when the clock struck midnight. It literally felt like a fresh start. I realized this year doesn't have to be like the last, and yes, I understand that some things in life are out of my control, but I also know that half of the stress and anxiety I feel is my own doing. To say I'm a worry-wart would be like saying Lindsey Lohan likes attention--understatement of the year. So this year, I'm working on changing that. I'll always be a worrier (it's in my blood--I come from a long line of neurotic women), but I can *try* to live more in the moment and stop always imagining the worst case scenario. I've always been a "hope for the best, but expect the worst" kinda girl, so this is definitely going to take some work, but I'm going to give it a try.
Also, I'm going to stop obsessing over the getting an agent/getting published thing. Do I still want both so bad I can taste it? Hell yeah. And if one of the agents currently reading my ms said they loved it and wanted to represent me, I'd jump around my house like a five year old on a sugar high. That being said, I can't ignore the fact that the querying process was driving me fifty shades of cray-cray, so I decided to step away from it for a bit and get back to what I love: writing. Some people handle querying and writing at the same time with ease, but I've never been good at it (though I have no problem writing while on submission--go figure). It's hard to have confidence in your writing ability when you're essentially receiving emails on a weekly basis telling you you're not good enough. Since letting go of that stress, I've remembered why I started writing in the first place: it makes me happy. I'm not writing to get an agent or to get published; I'm writing because it's something I enjoy doing. I've removed the pressure, and it's amazing what that's done for me mentally. Have I given up my dream of getting published? Not at all. But I don't ever want to lose sight of the big picture. I love creating characters and settings. I might never find another agent, and I might never get published, but I will always be able to create worlds. And at the end of the day, that's what really matters.