Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Breaking Up is Hard To Do
I've tried. I've given it my all. And I'm tired, exhausted, numb. I continue to go through the motions, but there's no feeling behind my actions. All I'm doing is causing myself pain by dragging out the inevitable. People always ask, "How do you know when it's time?" All I can say is, you just know.
First off, let me clarify--I am very happily married :o) In the paragraph above, I am referencing my novel. My first novel, to be exact. After almost 120 queries, I think it's time to lay it to rest (listen closely and you can hear "Taps" playing in the background).
It's hard to explain, but there's this strange sense of resolve within me. I've accepted the fact that this book isn't "the one," and I'm ready to move on. You know when people say, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Well, that's kind of how I feel about my book. I still love it, but the passion I once had for it is gone.
Months ago, I couldn't imagine letting go of it. I had put so much into it, and the idea of all that time and energy going down the drain . . . UGH! But over the course of these past few months, I've realized it wasn't a waste. This was my first novel after all, and therefor, a huge learning experience. I can not begin to tell you how much I've learned. I will never regret writing this book. Even though it may never see the light of day, I consider it one of the greatest things I've ever done with my life.
Some day I might revisit it, but for now I'm just excited to take everything I've learned and put it to good use on my new project. Breaking up is hard to do, but more often than not, you wind up better because of it.